


The Green Pearl

by MsYukari



Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bishes love pears, Comedy, F/F, Mermaids, One Shot, Parody, Pearody, WHY NOT PEARS?!, Why pears again?, crack!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 08:01:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12476988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsYukari/pseuds/MsYukari
Summary: So, this is a little parody fic based on an edit that TamsynStrike made for Freak_Vader83's birthday on twitter for mermaid FreakyTits. I decided to make a little crack!fic for it for shits and giggles.





	The Green Pearl

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Freak_Vader83](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Freak_Vader83).



Once upon a time, there were two mermaids. One was a short meek little mermaid who just wanted to please the woman she fell in love with. The mermaid she fell in love with was a tall, mysterious dark haired woman. She was hard to understand for the little mermaid because the tall one always somehow seemed to give her mixed signals. The little mermaid didn't know what to make of this because she was just a little “cupcake” as the humans called it.

The sharkicorn she talked to often gave her advice about life and how she was to deal with the one she fell in love with. The sharkicorn was a confusing thing for no one really knew exactly what he was. Not quite a unicorn or a shark... he was a sharkicorn. He was nice and friendly though so this made the little mermaid happy.

She glanced over and saw the taller mermaid swimming around, and she had a particular way of how she swam, as if she owned the ocean. The little mermaid was both amused and irritated by this. She could never get the same look when she swam. She was always too busy trying to keep up with the taller mermaid who had a longer fin and tail than she did. She also had longer hair which covered the fronts of her breasts.

The little mermaid tried not to stare at her breasts for too long or her behind, because she had such a round one. Sometimes the little mermaid would notice that the woman would look at her breasts and body too, but then she'd blush and look away.

The taller mermaid was attractive and sexy, and had the softest voice. She also had the most beautiful black hair with silver streaks. The little mermaid's hair was long and wavy too but not as striking as the other woman.

The little mermaid was curious about the world above her and the taller one was always warning her about the dangers of humans and especially men. But one day she swam up to the surface because she saw what the humans called a "boat."

When she reached the surface, she saw the boat and a man. He was a fairly nice looking man with dark blonde hair and blue eyes. He looked at her and smiled and he seemed to know what she was.

“Hello there. I didn't think I'd see your kind. You are what I think you are, yes? A mermaid?”

She nodded. “Yes, I'm a mermaid.”

He stared at her breasts which were partially covered by her hair but not fully and his eyes widened. She blushed and he took her hands and brought her closer to his boat.

“It's okay,” he said quietly and leaned forward.

“What's your name?” He asked.

“I'm Vera...”

“Nice to meet you, Vera. I'm Jake,” he said and smiled at her.

She smiled back. “Jake...” She repeated softly.

He smiled again and leaned forward and his lips were so close to hers that she thought he was going to do what she always dreamed of doing: a kiss.

She shivered and he caressed her arms, and she felt him moving towards her breasts and she wasn't sure what to do because she'd never experienced this before. She closed her eyes as his lips moved closer to her mouth.

Vera heard a sudden splash and then she was pulled away from Jake and she looked in into the furious eyes of the taller dark haired mermaid.

“Joan!” She gasped.

She watched as Joan grabbed Jake by the shirt and quickly punched him the face.

“Don't touch her!” She yelled.

He reached for her and then grabbed a knife. She was strong and she moved out of the way and punched him in the face again.

“Joan! Please I don't want you to get hurt. He was just--”

“I've warned you about men like this! All they want is... well, they want something from you.”

She watched as Joan looked down and her eyes gleamed. “Oh, my damn.”

“What? What is it, Joan?”

“IT'S THE GREEN **PEAR** L!”

“The what?”

“Vera, I've been looking for the green **pear** l for years. It was taken from me. I now see who took it,” she said vehemently and punched Jake in the face again, knocking him out cold.

“The **pear** l is mine, motherfucker!”

“Oh, my MerGod... did you just say--”

“Never mind my language, Vera. This is not the fanfic you were expecting. Now, would you cover yourself? Your breasts are hanging out. I mean, not that I mind. Ayy,” she said and winked.

Vera blushed and they both swam into the ocean as they made it back to the area under the sea.

“Joan, what's this green **pear** l?”

Joan held it and seemed to cradle it and stare at her with an odd and suspicious look on my face.

“Vera, if I hand you this, you need to promise me you won't take it... that you won't lose it. It's the only thing I have that reminds me of pears.”

“What are pears?”

“Vera, someday we'll have to go back on land and search for them so you can see what they are. The sharkicorn knows. We'll have to ask him later where they are. It'll be a long journey but we can make it. The green **pear** l, however, looks just like a pear and it's so beautiful,” she said and smiled at it lovingly.

Vera raised her eyebrow. “Well, is it okay if I hold it?”

Joan kissed the **pear** l and then slowly handed it to Vera. Vera thought it was beautiful and she knew how much it meant to Joan so she looked at it and smiled.

“I like it.”

“Of course you would. Now, Vera why were you talking with that man above the surface?”

“I-I was just curious.”

“For fuck's sake, Vera. One of these days you gone learn. Down here's better when it's wetter... ayy.”

Vera blushed as Joan leaned forward and kissed her deeply. “That's the kiss you wanted, correcT?”

“Y-yes,” she said and smiled.

Joan smiled back. “Ayy... if kisses were pears, I'd give you a pear basket.”

Vera giggled and kissed her again and then she felt Joan pull away and gasped. “Vera?! Where is the **pear** l?!”

“Oh, Joan, I thought I had it. I only set it down.”

“We mustn't lose it! Vera, I swear to MerGod that if you lose this, I will spank you so hard that you won't be able to swim for a week!”

Vera gulped. “Okay... although I think I'd like that...”

“What?!”

“What?”

Joan lifted her eyebrow and smiled. “That can be arranged. BUT WE MUST FIND THE GREEN **PEAR** L!”

She grabbed Vera's hand and dragged her through the ocean looking for it.

“Vera, I think you're going to have to be spanked. And if we can't find this **pear** l today, we will go looking for the pears tomorrow, and when we do, I'm going to take you on land and when we're in our human form... I'm going to fuck you so hard that you'll wish you never lost that **pear** l.”

As they kept swimming, Vera smiled to herself.

“Why are you smiling, Vera?”

“Oh, just that we're very gay.”

Joan chuckled. “People are gay, Vera.”

Vera giggled. “I been knew.”

Joan smiled and kissed her. “We been knew.”

Vera kept kissing her and then looked into her eyes.

“I think we're... something... I can't think of the word, but I was kind of happy you punched that man back there.”

“We're dangerous lesbians. I'm especially a dangerous lesbian. Come along Vera, we're going pear hunting.”

“Why pears though?”

“YOU'LL SEE WHEN WE FIND THEM FOR FUCK'S SAKE! BISHES LOVE PEARS! JUST TRUST ME, OKAY?!”

“Whatever you say, Joan. Aww yiss.”

“Good... now come over here and show me who dat booty fo.”

“Oh, my MerGod...” Vera said and laughed.

“No, that's me, Lerd of the Lesbians.”

Vera held her hand and kissed her again.

“I been knew.”

**Author's Note:**

> So, this may not be as funny as my other crack!fic parody I did, but I made it to fit the edit and tried to play around with how the edit would be. Hopefully that was funny for some people even if they may not get some of the inside jokes lol. Happy Birthday Freak_Vader83!! :)


End file.
